reduced and recycled

In a bid to control voices of dissent, the government has come up with a novel way to channel all voter angst; taking a cue from divorces intiated via SMS, our Commander-in-Mischief now encourages us to make ourselves heard via SMS polling, or via the Public Complaints Bureau website. You know, if you just sat back and maybe ran through the thought processes of some of our geniuses in Cabinet, you might have an inkling of what goes on in their conversations.

“Eeeee! Protesters! So scary!” I imagine a minister saying, pointing at scenes of demonstrators and placard-wielding Malaysians on ChannelNewsAsia.

“Bloody Singaporeans! Now all JB people can see what losers we are!” says another, slamming his fist on the vast, fibreboard table.

“Why are they making noise lah? I increase petrol price, they’re not happy. What if I extend National Service to 5 years? That’ll teach them!” says Head Honcho.

“Studies have shown,” says geek-technocrat on the wrong side of the political divide, “that people protest because they feel they have no avenues to change public policy. This suggests a critical failure in opinion delivery systems and points to a large deficit in-”

“Deficit!? What deficit?!” screams Head Honcho, wild-eyed and in panic.

“I meant to say, ‘points to a deficiency’ in our feedback protocols,” continues geek-technocrat.

“Can translate anot? I kenot understand what you’re saying,” says another minister, adjusting his toupee.

“I mean, we’ve been spending so much money to repair potholes that we don’t have enough to come up with a meaningful feedback system,” says geek-technocrat. Toupee’d ministers goes all shifty-eyed.

“Er, ya, so much money going to these pothole repairs contractors lah, dunno what they are doing with the money lah,” says sweaty minister with toupee.

“That’s your responsibility what,” says Head Honcho.

“Eh, I am not responsible for the contractors you force me to deal with, dei,” shouts toupee’d minister.

“People, people! Calm yourselves! What must be done, now?” says Deputy Head Honcho.

“Ya, hurry up, I got more ribbons to cut lah,” says Head Honcho.

“It’s never been tried before, but it will be a hit with the younger generation!” says geek-technocrat, eyes ablaze with undiluted passion and frenzy (because, really, passion is the sister of frenzy, that wild, barbaric explosion of emotion). The Cabinet goes still with anticipation. The clocks tick the seconds by. An errant fly lands on Head Honcho’s cheek.

“We use SMS to gather public opinion!!” declares geek-technocrat.

“SMS!” says one minister, approvingly.

“Yes, SMS! That’ll do the trick! Sure got street cred, one!” says another minister, enamoured by such a foxy use of technology.

“SMS!” screams another, and soon the chant is taken up. It swells into a full-blown mantra, the likes of which you hear just outside the walls of an enclosed community of cultists. I imagine an Indian fella cycling past the walls of Dewan Rakyat with a frown across his brows.

“Ini suma gila, kah?” says Indian fella.