reduced and recycled

Ahhh… I find apologies interesting, interesting because they tell you alot about a person. You know, in a forum I once avidly participated in, some people used to eschew “psychologizing” each other. They felt it was in bad taste and I, no doubt, feel the same way. Then temptation walks your way and you feel your fingers itch. My fingers. Itching. And then I realize the folly of my ways and think deep, sentimental thoughts: I think about my pa, my ma, my bro, my Mark (brother, not lover, mind), my milk-covered fantasy, etc. etc. You get my drift. You see the apology again, and the temptation sinks its teeth into you like a dirty, rabid bunny, refusing to let go.

And then, and then, you wonder if you’re just posting like everyone else. Some smart alecks call it herd instinct. Eh, I’d give you RM 50.00 if you can me just which smart aleck came up with that observation first. Hah! Fuckers. Anyway. To my point.

A herd only seems like a herd if the members of the class, “herd”, share a common trait. In this case, that would be ignorance. More precisely, ignorant opinions. Let me rephrase that: ignorant, unthinking opinions. The problem is trying to decide when opinions are ignorant and unthinking.

It’s easy to spot the lowest class opinions (what I would like to call “classless, crass opinions”): the recurrence of a single, petty demand. Like bread, for instance. Shit, you think self-aware, thinking mobs stormed the Bastille? You’ve got too much sugar in your diet. Those of you real historians who disagree should go fly kites: I maintain that filling bellies is imminently more crass and ultimately less important. I know. I speak from years of experience.

Anyway. The better kind of opinion is one that is informed and arrived at independently by a clutch of people who, sharing the same conclusions, gather together. Ah.. what’s so bad about that, right? After all, if these people have rationalized, informed opinions, how can they be herd-opinions, right? Pay attention lah: this class of opinions bear a 100% resemblance to higher classed herd-opinions. They are, for all intents and purposes, indistinguishable! So what’s a herd, I hear you ask?

Well, that depends on your perspective. This is where I get slightly serious. “Herd instinct” is a derogatory term, which when used, inherent assumes that the opinions of the “herd” are, by default, wrong. But that’s not really rational. If a large group of people arrive at informed, rational conclusions and then band together and work toward an initiative, are they a herd?

See, this is where you, dear reader, will detect - with much pleasure, I’m assuming - that I’ve failed to distinguish between “herd”, “mob” and “community” or “group”. Hell, who the hell cares?

Anyway, for fear of embarassing myself further, I will proceed straightaway to the apology part. I shall not dissect it point for point because I find it meaningless. In any case, observe the first paragraph. I note the word “satire”. I, too, aspire to satire. In fact, I aspire to satire so much, I assume you, my dear reader, will understand if I declare, now, that I envision a world without bunnies. They are a plague, no nutritional value, and eat up all the cabbage. Can you imagine a world without cabbage?! I can’t! (No more cabbage soup with chicken bones and herbs. Kenot. KENOT!!)

And, dammit, that fake article wasn’t even published on MENJ’s blog lah! It was published in another site run, maintained, edited and supported by MENJ! It was NOT his blog! Can you imagine how embarassing our recent protestations are? I feel ashamed! Ashamed! I wish to kill myself and end my misery, but I’ll miss bunnies, so, no-

Anyway, paragraph two offers a mild reproach: he didn’t write the piece lah. If he didn’t write the piece, he cannot have agreed to it! You see, that’s the important thing with authorship. If John Locke hadn’t written the Two Treatises, why, then everybody could lay claim to upholding the very idea of liberal democracy! As it is now, we’re all interlopers, plagiarists, herd people because we believe in ideas espoused by a dead white man! Note, please: I’m NOT being facetious!

There are others. But I can’t write about those without insulting people and getting myself put in jail. How come! In a country such as ours! Bah! Now I shall go nurse my beer-adled head and coffee-deprived brain.