reduced and recycled

“I have never seen anyone die for the ontological argument.”
- Camus, The Myth of Sisyphus

But who wants to die for dusty arguments better left in the hands of schoolmen? Not me, certainly, but in days past, advancing an argument that didn’t gel with the doctrines of the church was liable to get you declared a heretic, excommunicated and burnt at the stake, if you’re not lucky. Unless, in turn, you accuse the Pope of heresy. Some old English fart did that, actually, and it sorta worked (in the end…).

That’s the thing I love about arguments, so uncontroversial, eh?

But when it comes to beliefs and ideologies, why is it so different? I’ve never quite understood this. A person could forward a solipsist moral world view and get away with it, but suggest that one’s actions are not answerable to God and you get weird looks - at least before the Enlightenment. Similarly, express that one’s liberty is a natural right but declare that one can leave Islam and within minutes a jihad will be declared, a price will be put on your head and they’ll be burning effigies in the streets. Effigies of you.

Ideologies don’t seem to fare any better, especially political ideologies (are there any other kinds of ideology? I’d call religion an ideology, but I’d get shot). Royalists against Parliamentarians. Democracy against Communism. Socialists against Fascists. Bla bla bla and so the story goes. What drives people mad over these concepts? Fighting for the way they order their lives, I suppose. I wonder why people don’t prefer a more practical approach: there are a bunch of things I want. You give them to me, and I’m happy. You don’t and you can all go hang. Well that rules out fascism, I suppose, but still, isn’t that simple?

I was thinking about this when I read how the legion (heh) of fundies decried Badawi’s recent hand-wringing over the lack of a solution to the apostasy problem. What! they cried, what do you mean what can you do? they cried. They have since formed an alliance of sorts, and I’ve no doubt they’ll be targeting potential victims for specific surgical blog-strikes or some such. I wonder how these people, having an austere view of their own religion, could ever hope to convince the majority of Malaysians to tow the line with their version of “true Islam”. It’s not like they’re wading into a sea of “-isms” surely; this is Malaysia. People here don’t really care about “-isms”.

In the meantime, I’m stuck waiting for that horrible, interminable limbo better known as the general elections. It’s like a grand scoreboard of sorts of what people think (and how they think, come to think of it). Every five years (or so), the fat cats in power trundle out of their fat cat homes and hold a pissing contest about who can do a better job for you. When the dust settles, the fat cats stroll back to their pens and deliberate over the price of cat food, and who has a bigger share of it.

No room for idealism in this bunch, I’m telling you.

Because pandering to people’s wallets and purses have worked so well, I suggest we set up a Pork Barrel Consultative Cooperative in contrast to a People’s Parliament lah, or a People’s Union lah, or a Bloggers Alliance. I suggest that the broad terms of reference of our new cooperative should reflect the realities of the situation. Since the fat cats insist on bribing us for our votes, I say we give ‘em a good run for their money, and an opportunity to, ya know, negotiate. Our votes are worth something, aren’t they?

So I say we put a price tag on our votes. You want my vote, Mr. UMNO? You’ll have my vote, sir! The going rate? Why, only ten thousand (negotiable), sir! What? Sewing machines? No, sir. I’m a bit upper class. Can’t buy a toaster with your sewing machine, sir. No, sir! I’d like to drive a Porsche down our fine, potholed Malaysian roads, sir, no less! Such a cooperative, therefore, will form the focal point of negotiations with the fat cats.

How does that sound?

I know. It sounds stupid, but then again maybe not. It flattens out the playing field, and simplifies things for people. The PAS people and the fundies who want to turn this country into another Taliban could lure valuable oil money to our shores, you know, fatten us up a bit if they want to win over voters. UMNO flers will be forced to distribute their ill-gotten gains to the common person on the street, see? And the DAP and PKR people will round up corporate fat cats and force nasty, evil Chinese and Indian businessmen to spread some of their wealth with everyone else.

The common man and woman wins! How does that sound?